Page 19 - September 2021 Issue
P. 19

Worry about Your House Not Theirs
It can be a big wake-up call for divorced parents when they note that their ex-spouse has changed some of their values. For example, if your ex is now cohabitating with someone and you disagree with it on ethical grounds, you should keep that to yourself. It’s none of your business. The courts, for the most part, also do not care. It’s their house, not yours.
Express what you wish your children will become through your actions, not your words scrutinizing someone else. Same if your child eats dessert first and dinner next at the other parent’s house – that’s fine there. Let it go.
Stay Focused on Your Child’s Best Interests
The main thing you need to concentrate on is what is best in the long term for the child. That can sometimes put you in a state of thinking you need to change the other parent, but don’t do this unless activities will hurt them long-term in some way - such as being dangerous or illegal. If your courts won’t help and they’re not in imminent danger, let it go.
Never Put Your Children in the Middle
Please don’t ask your child to carry messages or choose when they see you. Stick to the agreement you made when you got a divorce, essentially to the letter when possible, but be flexible too since life happens. Use electronics to help with communication.
You are dealing with parenting issues after divorce is very lonely for some parents. If you are not receiving the help you need from your child’s parent, consider counseling with and without your ex to help with these issues.

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